Monday, June 30, 2008

A lot to be thankful for

Lately, it seems that I have been mulling over the circumstances in my life that seem to be unassailable. My health. It's in such a shoddy state at times. And my job. I can't possibly do what one in my position ought to be able to do (see previous circumstance for reason).

But I sat at work today and just realized how thankful I must be. I have been carefully tended to by a wise a loving and gracious God. He hasn't been far off, but near. He has seen my every circumstance, and has answered in His loving and wise way. He knows my infirmities, all of them, and yet when I consider what I do at work, I see that I have been put right where I need to be to fulfill a tiny role that He has created for me to do. I have nothing to worry about. No matter my professional credentials or my ability, He has given me a tiny role to fill that has met all my physical needs.

Tonight I will go home utterly thankful to have the tiny hovel I do to call home. For air conditioning and food. For cats to greet me as if their whole world revolved around me and they can't bear the thought that I was gone all day. For the means to afford medical care and transportation, and still to pay off my debts. But mostly for my faith, which is not my own, bringing me to salvation, also a gift.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

I could live under a canopy of dark clouds as long as the sun promised to always shine from the west.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Tornado Road audition tape

This is me blathering on and on about weather and architecture, my two earthly passions. I'm the audition at the bottom.

Friday, June 20, 2008

I am beginning to realize that it takes being a woman in a man's world to comprehend fully just how different we are. And indeed, we are different.

I read a post at Al Mohler's blog about the equal splitting of parental duties between mother and father, and just how could that possibly work. He made mention of the depth and accuracy of our mental lists, and he was right.

I could go on about how we women are more relational than men, we desire to help and support and nurture, rather than take control and take charge. Being expected to be in charge is a big pressure to face, and can be exacerbated by a lack of ability or drive to do so. I must be thankful that with all the drive I have to do everything to the uttermost, I don't have the drive to be in charge of things here. I just desire to help out.

So, soli Deo gloria.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Not to be intentionally cryptic, but I'm laying it all down.

Chasing, I mean.

I was looking at this photo and thinking about all the miles I drove to see it. And the time spent editing it so that it would look this way. And with the exception of Jenna's computer, my hard drive would likely be the only place it would reside. Forever. And to what end? Just because something isn't "wrong" does not place it in the "good and wise and prudent" category.

Maybe one day I'll revisit this. Maybe it will follow me. But we'll never know what will follow us on its own unless we lay it all down and begin to walk away from it.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Because really, I just need to stop worrying about it. I make such a big deal out of things that I worry about. Worry is wrong. Imagine just how much clearer things will seem if my mind isn't clouded by worry.

Okay. Being intentionally cryptic is probably narcissistic. I need to stop writing some sort of internal monologue and start writing something somebody can understand. After all, that is why we are given the gift of communication. Not so that we can all gaze at our own respective navels. So, moving on.

I originally decided to let sleeping dogs lie about the NBC show. But Martin contacted me again when the other girl who was tapped couldn't do it. So, I'm going to his studio to make an audition tape on Monday afternoon.

I didn't want to do this at first, for several reasons. First, I don't trust myself with this. I know my own propensity toward pride, and this seemed like a great avenue for that to make its presence known. Now, though, I know that no one ever lives greater than their view of God. And when I make God the sole focus, things change in many ways. I am less focused on myself. I desire to make Him known more. I give pride less of an opportunity to have its way with me. I am still a sinner. But I have nothing to fear but God. That increases my desire to please Him, however.

The second reason was that I could not find a way to reconcile the idea of chasing wind and water to be watched on an entertainment box that I don't even value highly enough to own.

I think the bottom line was that I wasn't sure where my heart would align itself with this. Would it want the world? Would it want to be recognized here? Would it be pulled by a siren song that I've not even heard? That was the root of the fear.

But I belong to Christ. That does not exclude me from living life, including doing what we do in an age of readily available energy, and increased knowledge about the world. My call is to glorify Christ "as I am going." This could be at my workplace as much as it could be chasing storms. I don't understand much about the "how to" but I DO know that I must decrease, and Christ must increase. I DO know that it means actions that flow from a pure heart. And a defense, an answer for the hope that lies within me. When I focus on Christ and recognize the utter lack and barrenness of this world, I can do nothing but hope in Him, in His return for us, and our liberation from this body of death.

I can still be in the world, and not of it.

So, I'll keep you updated.

Oh, the downside of being so cerebral. :(

Thursday, June 12, 2008

I just want to do it for His glory, since I can't take it with me.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Wednesdays are for Hymns

Jesus, Master, whose I am,
Purchased Thine alone to be,
By Thy blood, O spotless Lamb,
Shed so willingly for me,
Let my heart be all Thine own,
Let me live for Thee alone.

Other lords have long held sway;
Now Thy Name alone to bear,
Thy dear voice alone obey,
Is my daily, hourly prayer;
Whom have I in heaven but Thee?
Nothing else my joy can be.

Jesus, Master, whom I serve,
Though so feebly and so ill,
Strengthen hand and heart and nerve
All Thy bidding to fulfill;
Open Thou mine eyes to see
All the work Thou hast for me.

Lord, Thou needest not, I know,
Service such as I can bring,
Yet I long to prove and show
Full allegiance to my King.
Jesus, let me always be
In Thy service glad and free.

Jesus, Master, I am Thine;
Keep me faithful, keep me near;
Let Thy presence in me shine
All my homeward way to cheer,
Jesus, at Thy feet I fall,
O be Thou my all in all.

-F R Havergal

Monday, June 09, 2008

I am thankful to see how my love for the Lord continues to grow. I am unable to help it along, my natural man would leave my heart to grow cold. But God, in His infinite grace and mercy, pours out His love into our hearts, by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.

Just when I fear my heart to be stony cold, He arrives on the wings of the morning with the sun's quickening rays.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

The Sovereign Hand

Steve Camp - The Sovereign Hand (from the 2006 Desiring God album)

The potter and the clay,
He does just as He pleases,
such is God and such are we,
subjects of His high decrees.

Before the world began,
He fashioned all my days,
I fear not any man,
rest alone in His perfect ways.

Oh, the Lord is in control,
He brings peace to our troubled soul,
nothing can shake His sovereign hand,
He's the beginning and He is the end.

May not the Lord on high give favour as He wills,
chose some to life while others die,
and yet be just and loving still?

Oh how foolish I've become,
thinking I control my destiny
questioning God in what He's done,
rather than trust His sovereignty.

But, the Lord is in control,
He brings peace to our troubled souls,
nothing can shake His sovereign hand,
He's the beginning and He is the end.

Dare I quarrel with my Lord, call His ways unjust,
the thunder of whose mighty Word
can crush a thousand worlds to dust?

Oh, the Lord is in control,
And He brings hope to our desperate soul,
because He lives we face tomorrow again,
He's the beginning and He's the end.

Friday, June 06, 2008

I Shall Not be Satisfied

until I waken in Thy likeness.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

One struggling saint is thankful for the encouragement from her precious brother, Daniel.

Triple point in Nebraska today.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

The wisdom of remembering the truth of it all

Just living with not knowing the "why", instead of fabricating one in my mind, that is the expression of faith in God's sovereignty and wisdom.

In Psalm 13, David laments in his soul with great sadness.

1How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
2How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?
3Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
Enlighten my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death,
4And my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
And my adversaries will rejoice when I am shaken.

Then he turns it around with one word "But".

5But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
6I will sing to the LORD,
Because He has dealt bountifully with me.

David is wise to remind himself of God's character. I am wise to do the same.

Wednesdays are for Hymns

O Savior, precious Savior,
Whom yet unseen we love!
O Name of might and favor,
All other names above!
We worship Thee, we bless Thee,
To Thee, O Christ, we sing;
We praise Thee, and confess Thee
Our holy Lord and King.

O Bringer of salvation,
Who wondrously hast wrought,
Thyself the Revelation
Of love beyond our thought;
We worship Thee, we bless Thee,
To Thee, O Christ, we sing;
We praise Thee, and confess Thee
Our gracious Lord and King.

In Thee all fullness dwelleth,
All grace and power divine;
The glory that excelleth,
O Son of God, is Thine;
We worship Thee, we bless Thee,
To Thee, O Christ, we sing:
We praise Thee, and confess Thee
Our glorious Lord and King.

O grant the consummation
Of this our song above,
In endless adoration,
And everlasting love!
Then shall we praise and bless Thee
Where perfect praises ring,
And evermore confess Thee
Our Savior and our King.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Preach the gospel always

to yourself, even, if necessary.


Master, to do great work for Thee my hand
Is far too weak. Thou givest what may suit --
Some little chips to cut with care minute,
Or tint, or grave, or polish. Others stand
Before their quarried marble fair and grand,
And make a life-work of the great design
Which Thou hast traced; or, many-skilled, combine
To build vast temples, gloriously planned.
Yet take the tiny stones that I have wrought,
Just one by one, as they were given by Thee,
Not knowing what came next in Thy wise thought;
Set each stone by Thy master-hand of grace,
Form the mosaic as Thou wilt for me,
And in Thy temple-pavement give it place.

F R Havergal

Meditating on who He is

So, the wind and waves obey Him, demons need His permission to do anything and are unable to disobey His command, and He can create a banquet in a place of desolation.

And all this in just the first 9 chapters of Luke.