Monday, September 08, 2008

Trusting God

You know, there is a simple joy in the mundane. I'm sitting here reconciling egress calculations between an existing building and new addition, and there is nothing but tedium in it. But it's joyful.

It has been hard coming down from the era of pursuit, where I felt I had to work hard for everything instead of taking something and simply working it while trusting God for the increase and joy. There is no goal here, just a daily pursuit of what God has put in front of me. It's very strange, to say the least. And make no mistake, I do not like transitions. They make me very uncomfortable. But especially this transition. It seems to have shaken things up in my life in such a way as to leave me a bit unsure of which way is up. For someone so used to being sure about things, that's a rather unnerving place to be. "Is this for real? Am I going crazy? Is this right?" I find myself asking these questions every five seconds, it seems.

Psalm 107 put it all back into perspective for me. We SHOULD consider the past and all that the Lord has done for us. This is wise. It is wise to remember how He answered us in the past in order to keep our minds and hearts focused on His faithfulness to come to our aid in the future.

Now, what to do. I really feel a bit of relief at the thought of walking away from much of what I hold dear, even though a bitter-sweetness surrounds it. To not involve myself in academia a bit longer, well, it is like walking on the water, I suppose. To just live life with its ups and downs while not having looming deadlines is really like being out on the high seas and seeing no land in sight. I am just required to perform my daily duties out at sea on that ship. They will not get me one mile closer to any visible land. They may be mending a sail, swabbing the deck, arranging the food rations, cleaning freshly caught fish, nothing which will make the ship go any faster than the wind takes it.

But this is what I wanted, after all. To rest on my laurels. Now I'm finding that I'm rather restless on my laurels and have developed a fresh case of wanderlust. I think it is wise to not jump ship so soon, but to perch myself on the bow and trust the Almighty God, the great captain of this vessel, to bring me to port safely once again.


At 1:45 PM, Blogger Lauren said...

Sigh...something else I needed to hear today!

Thank you so much for your thoughts and sharing what the Lord is doing in you!


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