Thursday, May 29, 2008

"Whatever" she says...

Why do we do the things we do and who do we do them for.

I think Chris mentioned that to me once. I rather quickly shot back that I do things for myself because I am a sinner.

Well, how true that is.

Why do I chase storms? What is the pull of them for me? Are they worth chasing? Ought I to be numbered in the convoy of weather-antlered vans screaming down I-70? They are lovely, to be sure. But what is this purpose? To what end do I chase?

I have been mulling this question for the past week as I settle back in to an architect's life here. But not just that, what is my purpose as a Christian? What is my purpose as someone who has no claim to ANYTHING on this earth and who ought to be ready to abandon EVERYTHING for the sake of the gospel of Jesus?

Does this include chasing?

Now more and more is being offered. Now a chance to work on an NBC show. That's when one must look at themselves and ask what the motivation for any of this is. I can enjoy God's creation, but when does this all stop being about my primary duties on earth and start being about piling more and more into my corner for the sake of self-aggrandizing?

So, I'm quietly declining. And I'm more aware of the need to put away hobbies for a while, not knowing how long, in order to accept the mundane in life and do it heartily for the glory of God, not for the glory of myself.

What haunts me is the short-order with which I could put away all that I ought to be doing on this earth for the sake of building myself up more. Saying "no" to even touching the show was hard, though it made perfect sense to me. Doing it was the difficult part. The battle was intense. But I had to stand firm against that temper tantrum my flesh was throwing.

Additionally, my flesh will find a way to glory in ANYTHING that I do. If I say no, it is to my own glory, and if I accept, I can see myself saying it is all for God's glory, though it would be mere lip service, since the ends are completely self-serving. I don't know why I am seeing this all right now, though I shouldn't wish to bury my head in the sand regarding my sin.

But it's going to be all right. I'm going to go back to what I was doing before. I'm going to struggle hard with keeping this vessel on course, and we're going to make it to port whether the sails tear and we lose cargo in the process. I have to.

I'm taking heaven by storm, and only violent men (and women) lay hold of it.


At 11:24 PM, Blogger Br'er Shaygetz said...

My hobby is a part of me, it's been that way for over 35 years. I even tossed it all in the trash many years ago, only to have it come back some time after. It's easy to look around and say what a waste---until I consider the many homes and countries it's taken me to and all from my keyboard. They are my passport around the world, my right of entry into the lives of people who otherwise might not have a thing to do with me.

It is good that you look so hard into your motivation as to the why and for whom. So few who name the Name of Christ do. Never forget that it is His work in you that allows Him to work through you in whatever you find your hand doing, so long as it is as unto the Lord.

What better way to be found when He comes than with your eyes to the sky.

Blessings, grace and peace, Br'er Shaygetz

At 5:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was a hard decision for you I'm sure! God bless you in whatever you do!


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