Tuesday, November 25, 2008

On a more personal note

The Lord has been teaching me a lot of things lately. Through emotional ups and downs and knowing yet not believing. Things have been difficult, to say the least. Being such a cerebral individual, I found myself trying hard to understand. As if understanding the incomprehensible was necessary and even possible for salvation. No, merely believing like a little child is all the involvement and understanding I need. Books written about the atonement are not read for research, but for praise. Worship. Adoration.

On everything that I do not understand, I merely trust. That is hard. My analytical nature is a severe stumbling block to me, I have noticed. But there is peace in trusting. This peace is unlike anything else.

So, would you like to know why this matters right now? Because right now, I build Catholic churches. I'm involved in a number of them around the Dallas area, in fact. A monastery, a brand new building, some classroom additions, you name it. And to tell the truth, that was HARD to come to terms with. It was NOT EASY. I STRUGGLED with that. I WRESTLED until there was nothing left in me. And then I wrestled some MORE.

It got me no where. I could not, with all the mental gymnastics involved, turn the circumstance into a shape that I felt was acceptable on its own. It stood there as a giant ugly monster with halitosis. How can one dress up something so evil as the lie that is Roman Catholicism? It is, in a word, impossible.

So, where am I going with this? Simple. That I live in a very ugly world. It is beautiful in that it bears the mark of a beautiful Creator, but sin makes it ugly. And I cannot extricate myself from it no matter how hard I try. I could not bear up under the weight of thinking that the men whose words encourage me were exiled and died defending the truth against this doctrine. But I don't have to. That is not my load to bear.

There is so much I cannot understand. If God will not open my mind to understand the hows and whys, but will only order me to obedience here, then I must trust, and I must obey. I must obey my boss. It is the grace of God that has me here, I see that daily. I cannot deny it. It is a fact that I see as brazenly as I see the sun rise every morning. God does not have to have me in a circumstance that I can order in my mind in order to display His glory. It is only in trusting Him, and offering a sacrifice of thanksgiving and praise daily, that He is glorified. Of course, there are likely many more ways that I will never understand that He is receiving glory and honor, and I have to stop trying to search them out. They are unsearchable. Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! (Rom. 11:33)

So, as I discussed meeting minutes about yet another Catholic church we may be building from the ground up, I experienced a peace that passed understanding. That all of this is for God's glory. His saving me, His calling me, His gifts to me, and His directing me to my vocation. I must continue to trust, and obey. To use that mental energy to work hard here, and to follow the Lord's leading for the reason that He has me here.

In quietness and trust is your strength. (Is. 30:15)


At 11:57 AM, Blogger donsands said...

"..I experienced a peace that passed understanding"

The Holy Spirit is full of grace and peace, and He fills us, because the Prince of Peace gave Himself for us.

Thanks for sharing that testimony Marcian.

At 12:23 PM, Blogger Br'er Shaygetz said...

---It stood there as a giant ugly monster with halitosis.

Quite a word picture... :-)

As one who works in an atmosphere that would make a Lou Reed song sound like a hymn, I can empathize with you. I remind myself that Paul had no problem being carried about in God's Will in a boat named after two idols...

And after three months we departed in a ship of Alexandria, which had wintered in the isle, whose sign was Castor and Pollux.

Blessings, grace and peace to you and yours this Thanksgiving Day...BC

At 5:18 PM, Blogger Mile High Pixie said...

brilliant observation! I am opposed to experimenting on animals, but I have had to design animal labs for research facilities, and it's hard to resolve in oneself. glad you were able to find some peace, which indeed passeth all understanding.


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