Thursday, October 16, 2008

I keep going back and forth on this, but I cannot escape this nagging feeling that this job is not where I'm supposed to be. Perhaps this vacillation is meant to slowly pry loose the hold it has on me. I don't really know. I just know that I need to trust the Lord. He must be making me ready for whatever may come next.

I made a few big purchases recently. I kind of made them on emotion. The dining set was a more rational choice, I think. I needed the space to study. My chairs came in today. I'm really looking forward to moving ahead on the church history study tonight, and doing some retouching to Jenna's photos.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

I do not understand ANY of this, and I don't know what direction to look toward. I was telling a good and wise friend this morning that it seems that the Lord has always led me from the front, showing me where the next step was. Now I feel pushed from behind, with no way of knowing where to go next, or what is in front of me. I have heard of people being in these places before, but I've never experienced it. I have always known what was "next".

It seems I'm beginning to wrestle with the Lord here, and I'm not sure what the outcome will be, but I know that whatever the result, it will be good. Because He is my kind, loving, and GOOD Father in Heaven.


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