Ruminations and Ramifications

More New Year Thoughts

2012-01-28T00:28:00.005-06:00

I admit, it is really nice to have this sort of private, needle-in-a-haystack place to jot down my thoughts, which are then accessible to me wherever I am at the moment. For instance, at 12:30 am at my office on top of the Love Field Main Terminal building here in Dallas. I didn't have to worry about forgetting a notepad or journal, or toting it around, or what have you. I can simply sign in to my blogspot account and away I go.

Now that it is the new year, well, I have been giving the first month to the thought of what to pursue this year. I have established a few goals that I thought I'd jot down here for the sake of accountability. Not that anyone else will hold me accountable, but I am sure I will look back at older entries, as I always do, and see how close to the path I've remained. As far as goals go, here is a general outline:

1. Stay focused at my jobs, whatever I happen to be doing at the moment. Whether it is architecture or weather, stay focused and find a way to make them challenging and enjoyable, doing all things for the glory of God.

2. Learn to write shorthand. This subject has always been fascinating to me, and as I get older I find learning new things to sometimes be harder to begin, but once I get back into that "focused" mindset that seeks to pursue something for the pure pleasure one can take in an activity, I find the learning to come easily once again.

3. Memorize a book of the Bible. I would really like to get to Colossians, but for now, I'm starting in Titus. I don't think I've made a poor choice in books, though. How can I? It is all profitable.

4. Get back on the exercise wagon. This one is self-explanatory, really, but I see that much of everything I must do to in order to gain benefit from a pursuit ought to be grounded in enjoyment. If I see exercise (or learning to write shorthand, even) as a drudgery, then I will not pursue it with excellence, to the glory of God. I may not even pursue it at all! This leads me to number 5...

5. Enjoy what you do!!! This is something new I've learned, and has required a real mental shift in how I view life. I often pursue things because of the greater benefit to doing them, not because I enjoy them at all. Really, I often enjoyed the pleasure of seeing the outcome, but when you deal with something that may not always produced the desired results in the desired amount of time, you are often relegated to simply enjoying the task, knowing that the wind will return to the place from where it blows, and the rivers reutrn to the place from where they flow.

6. Read one book every month. Much of the time, I start a book and never finish it. This has always been irksome to me. With the challenge of finishing the book before the end of the month, I have a deadline, and the ability to look forward to starting a new book within the next thirty days.

7. Glorify God and enjoy Him. This is really the summary of my plans for 2012. Enjoy the Lord. Enjoy His law. Delight myself in Him.

Lord, may this year be a year of seeing the glories of all that You are: your love, your mercy and condescension, your attributes, your grace.

A More Helpful Way to See It

2012-01-25T17:41:00.002-06:00

Well, before I expand upon my cryptic title, I should say that I am being faithful in my Scripture reading, and even more faithful to enjoy it. No, it's not being done every day. It is being done as I have time, being picked up where I left off, and being done with either a notepad and plenty of writing, or with the frustration that I didn't remember to bring a notepad for plenty of writing.

That said, the purpose of this post is to make mention of something that is on my mind: pleasing God. And I've come to determine that I ought not to think of my actions in that vein, whether they please God or not. Rather, I ought to think of whether my actions gloryify God or not. See, there is a difference, I believe. Pleasing God means that my actions themselves own some inherent quality that brings God pleasure. After years of trying, I can confidently say that there is nothing in ME, let alone my actions, that can please God. Nothing I offer can be worthy of Him. And I believe that is because I am starting with ME, a terrible place to start. Instead, my business ought to be about glorifying and magnifying God. I ought to start with HIM. Starting with the Lord brings me to such abject humility to start with, that I cannot look anywhere but up. I can do nothing but rejoice over HIM. The way I see it, pleasing God is like starting at the top and looking downward, attempting to perform in any way that could possibly meet the holy eye of God. But glorifying God is like starting at the bottom, where I am, and doing the only thing a humble heart can do: look upward, point upward, announce the upward view of my eye by the way I live my life. My actions may look quite similar to the person who cannot see the heart. But the motives for one couldn't be farther removed from the other.

Is that a more helpful way to see it?

Genesis 2-7

2012-01-13T17:48:00.002-06:00

Okay, so I'm a little behind on the reading. But I've decided that the plan will stay in place, no matter how long it takes my discipline to catch up. To make matters easier, I will probably not write out so much for each chapter. Sometimes, I start out of the gate with too much enthusiasm, and set goals that are, for the most part, beyond my reach. So, here goes...

Genesis 2
What stuck out to me here was the way the narrative moved back and forth between the events, to bring out the depth of what was occurring. This isn't an exact timeline. Second, God used only the rib to make the woman. That's exactly what the text says. He didn't just use the rib in combination with a few other things. He used only the rib. And finally, the two were naked, and not ashamed, meaning they had not sinned, and had no reason to feel the need to cover ANYTHING, not even their bodies. What must that be like, to not know any shame whatsoever? We will know that in Heaven.

Genesis 3
Here is Satan's greatest strategy, even in my own life: causing us to question God's goodness in light of His law. May I say it is even my own sin root? It is what I can trace every sin back to in the end: questioning the goodness of God's law, and the necessity of following it. I do this without thinking about it. My own flesh will take the bait, because it would rather be happy than trust Someone else for its happiness. May the Lord have mercy on me. Also, it does not state here that the Lord clothed them with lion's skin. Where do we get that??

Genesis 4
Here is a verse I need to commit to memory: 7b - And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door, and its desire is for you, but you must master it. In the margin I wrote this note: "Have a heart that is sensitive to sin!" May the Lord have mercy on me to grant me daily strength to master the sin that ever crouches at my door, whose desire is to have me! I have seen it! My second observation is of the parallel of the Lord's statement of The voice of your brother's blood is crying to Me from the ground and Revelation 6:10, where the blood of ALL those martyred saints cry for judgment and vengeance from the Lord. In verse 13, I observed that Cain was still worried about his own skin, and that he doesn't seek repentance of forgiveness. He says whoever finds me will kill me and he's worried about his punishment. He never seeks the Lord's forgiveness. Then in verse 16, he goes out from the presence of the Lord. Is it fair to say here that being in the presence of the Lord was not a priority for Cain? Is it our priority? Oh, Lord, may being in your presence be my priority!!! I know it is not as high as it ought to be. But I need to go back to verse 7b and master the sin which has its desire for me. And in the end, remember that it is all of grace, from the desire to fight sin, to the strength to do so, to the forgiveness my wretched sins need from the wrath they require. My final note is over the last verse: To Seth, to him also a son was born; and he called his name Enosh. Then men began to call upon the name of the Lord. I wondered, at reading this, if Seth had an impact on this godly line, and perhaps this is the significance of Genesis 6:1-2, where the sons of God saw that the daughters of men were beautiful; and they took wives for themselves, whomever they chose. Were these the godly men of Seth's line who considered the outer beauty of a woman over the inner beauty of a woman who fears the Lord? Whether this is what happened or not, I think it's worth noting here that it is important to identify the temptation that exists to overlook a man's heart (speaking as a woman here) when his looks or personality, or the way he treats you, or the way you get along so well, is more attractive than his heart. Do yourself a favor and silently strip away all that fancy facade, all the vanity, and take a good look at what you have left. If there is no fruit of the Spirit in his life, if he would not sacrifice, but be selfish, then keep on looking.

Genesis 5
I should have listed this in the previous chapter, but it was already too long. I found it interesting that the Bible mentions two Lamechs so close to each other. The one mentioned in chapter 5 was a vengeful man, clearly not of godly character. The one mentioned in verse 28 of this chapter seems to be a godly man who acknowledged the curse that sin had brought upon the earth, and appears to look forward to the Messiah, even in the birth of Noah! I'm sure he had no idea how appropriate this foreshadowing was, because Noah DID find grace in the eyes of the Lord and was used of the Lord to save mankind from being permanently destroyed in the Flood, and indeed is a picture of what Christ does, and will do, when the judgment comes. And I also think that Lamech was a godly man, because he dies five years before the Flood begins. I think that if he had been a godly man and still alive, we would have found him on the ark, too, but we are told that Noah specifically found grace in the eyes of the Lord. The Lord opened the eyes of Noah to sin, to his need for repentance and obedience, and a Savior. And we see that Noah LIVES OUT his faith by obeying the Lord's command to build a boat for the coming judgment. Had anyone else on the earth found sovereign grace in the eyes of the Lord, he or she would have been on that boat. We can safely assume, then, that none of Noah's brothers or sisters were ever convicted by the obedience Noah displayed by his shipbuilding. On another note, God tells us that God looked on the earth, and behold, it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted their was upon the earth. Our WAYS, the way we live our lives, are what are corrupted. May we look inside at the root cause for our decisions, and may we find those causes to be rooted in God's Holy Word. In verse 14, Noah is told to make for yourself a refuge as the Lord precisely prescribes. In this same way, we must make Christ our refuge as the Lord prescribes, not adding anything on our own strength or merit. Finally, in verse 22, Thus Noah did; according to all that God had commanded him, so he did. I wrote "so must we." I remember learning that when something is repeated in Hebrew, it is for emphasis. I think it then bears considerable meditation that God wanted written in His Word here and emphasis on Noah's obedience to all that the Lord had commanded him. Oh Lord, may this be the pattern of my life!!! May others see me living out my faith in obedience to your revealed will, and taking refuge for my soul in Christ, both for the trials of today, and the final judgment of the future.

Genesis 7
I thought it was important to note that after all that occurred as the Lord commanded in verse 16, that the Lord closed the ark. I cannot help but think of how comforting that is, for the Lord to say in a way "well done" and to take care of the final necessary act that Noah, presumably, couldn't do, and that was close the ark. And I only say that because of the water pressure that the door would have been up against, and would have needed to have been closed from the outside for a proper seal. But more to the point, how comforting it is to trust that in those times of trial and crisis, and in the time of the judgment, we are sealed inside our refuge by the hand of the Lord Himself. Who can interrupt our safety? (Romans 8:38-39)

Genesis 1

2011-12-30T14:22:00.004-06:00

This chapter communicates the creation of the earth and its inhabitants having God as the very force and reason for their existence. God made the earth as an act of the will by speaking forth the words, "Let there be.." In other cases, He is credited with directly "creating". Verses such as 1:7, "God made the expanse;" 1:21, "God created the great sea monsters;" and 1:25, "God made the beasts of the earth." This chapter gives us no other outside acting force on the existence of anything other than His sovereign will. By that reason, we must recognize that God is the sole possessor of everything created. From the smallest baby, to the International Space Station, to the moon, to a drop of water. May we rest in the knowledge of our God's sovereign, skillful, and omniscient oversight of His creation, and glorify Him through humble submission to His created purpose for all our days. And may we pursue the knowledge of Him as our supreme treasure and possession. Jeremiah 9:23-24; Colossians 3:10.

On Bible Study

2011-12-30T14:08:00.004-06:00

It's only 2 pm, but I am already beginning to succumb to the cocktail of melatonin, Unisom, and warm milk (not to mention the weariness from my early morning gym routine). Sleep shall be mine soon, for about 6 hours, before waking for the midnight shift at Dallas Love Field as the weather observer. I anticipate all of two flights maximum will either arrive or depart the station, but that has no bearing on my duties. I will keep the hourly reports flowing, with possibly a special if the weather requires. Tonight, the TAFs are forecasting high clouds that may require me to bring some extra reading material to work to ruminate on between hourly reports.

But that was not the point of this post.

The point of this post is my new Bible study plan. See, I am a planner. I don't just like to plan, I HAVE to plan. Even if I never follow through, I feel that part of the entire process was making the plan in the first place, and on that account, I feel at least moderately successful at anything I start. But my Bible study plans have been 99% good intentions, and 1% follow through. Maybe less.

This year, I thank the Lord for rattling my cranium a bit with some good old fashioned common sense. Not only am I a planner, but I like to have a system. It feels safe, manageable. Do-able.

This year, I'm going through the Bible in its Chronological order of events. I think that will be a good place to start, and hopefully it will make more sense to me. Not that the Bible doesn't make sense, but I know that there are a lot more connections that can be made in, say, the Psalms if one understands the circumstances under which they were written. That is my goal. To not just read through the Bible this year, but to understand what I've read.

Enter this blog.

I have thought it might be a smart idea to share what I've been learning. I have written a summary paragraph of each chapter as I've read it, and plan to insert it into my 3-ring-Bible. Additionally, I'll be posting them here for consideration.

And on that note...

Evening thoughts

2011-12-29T22:44:00.002-06:00

Sitting here in my living room, having just finished off a few bites of stuffing, and preparing to drink a modified steamer in the hopes it will allow me to sleep through the night. Some websites recommended eating before bed to prevent the 4 am melatonin-killing, heart-pounding adrenaline rushes. In my experience, it only worsens it. Oh well. Moving on.

It's already late as it is, but I'm still awake giving thought to a very serious matter. Serious to a semi-young person who still has not shaken all of the "who am I?" matter from the tips of her cerebrum. Even at almost 33 years, the temptation to contort who I am into the perceived boxes of others is a very real and very dangerous threat. So, I thought I'd spend some time tonight reminding myself of a few things:

Don't turn your back on who God made you, simply because you're not like others.
Don't question your interests simply because they're different from others' interests. The Lord has made you for a reason, and given you those interests for a purpose.
If you seek God's kingdom first, you CAN enjoy the interests He has given you with a clear conscience.
Don't long to think like or be like others when you know God has clearly given you desires and thoughts that lead as a path to Him.
Remember: Others May, But You Cannot.

When the fleshly desire to be liked, to be accepted, to be understood by others gets intense, remember that there's nothing wrong with being different, having different interests, skills and abilities. God has clearly done this with a purpose in mind. Don't tempt God to discipline you back in line when you can easily submit, trust, and follow the Holy Spirit's leading in your life, including the earthly abilities and gifts you've been given.

LORD, please HELP me to invest wisely the gifts You've given me, and not to let the feeling of "standing out" hinder me from loving and serving my brothers and sisters. You have given me the gifts of architect, storm-chaser, weather observer and photographer, and I will be held accountable for their wise investment. Please graciously grant me WISDOM and STRENGTH to do with them what brings You the most glory. Amen.

Thoughts on suffering

2011-12-28T10:50:00.003-06:00

Now, I don't for a moment imagine that anyone will find this post to be helpful, though perhaps some do, and that only by the grace of God. Only.

As I think back on 2011, I have to say, it was a year I'd consider a year of an introduction to suffering. I am sure that there will be more to come. I am not promised an easy life here, no matter how well I may plan for contingencies. God alone is the planner of my days. I know this well. But something I have learned from this year is not to hold on to this earth too tightly, but to be willing to let everything go, and bless the Lord at the same time. I have faced a number of fears and trials and have come to see that when I do not value the Lord supremely, I suffer more. James was not trifling with his words when he said to Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. This year, I've learned the continuing lesson to embrace suffering. To put down what may be too much for me to hold after all, and to just rest in His unfailing love. It all used to be such a trite saying, but now it is how I live my days.

What a difference a year makes.

Thoughts for the new year

2011-12-27T15:12:00.003-06:00

While thinking about this new year, I've been admittedly entranced by the idea of the "fresh start." What changes would I like to make in my life, and what would I like to pursue? I feel as though I'm at the starting line for another race, the gun about to go off. What will my chosen course be? What path will I take? What will I pursue? What will I avoid? Not that all our days go as we have planned, but it takes some effort to pursue the beneficial things, and avoid things not as beneficial.

Effort. It really does take effort to live a purposeful life. And this year, my effort, by God's grace, will go toward valuing the Savior and His sacrifice supremely. As supremely as a human can, at least. To value it more than anything on this earth, which will be impossible if left to my OWN effort. I need the grace of God to value Him, simply put.

Lord, may this year be spent investing my heart, my time, my mind in YOU and in YOUR WORD, which endures forever. Heaven and earth will pass away, but the Word of the Lord will stand.

What I've been up to

2011-12-14T16:54:00.004-06:00

One of my favourite photos from this year's chase. I'm taking 2012 off from chasing and hope to get caught up on my photos, so for any chasers reading, take heed: this will be the year of the "big one".

More content-rich words to come...

The sin of pride

2011-12-07T10:21:00.003-06:00

It's been nine, ten months or so since I've last posted on here. When I look back at who I was that long ago, and who I've slowly become, I see a lot of good change, but I also see a lot about my soul that has been content to remain unchanged. Reading through James 4:5-10

⁵ Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: “He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us”? ⁶ But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE.” ⁷ Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. ⁸ Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. ⁹ Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. ¹⁰ Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.

The one thing that I constantly struggle with (the more accurate explanation is that I'm not struggling nearly as much as I ought to) is the need to humbly accept the Word of God in practice. I have found myself believing that both my way and God's way can co-exist in my life, and they cannot. My own reasoning thinks "why of course they can. you haven't had any trouble with it yet." But that's not what God says.

My pride stands in the way of accepting God's Word as true, which affects my own ability and desire to obey it. Verse 8 is my remedy: Draw near to God [in humility] and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

Are you frustrated that God isn't answering your prayers, or seems far off. While not always the case, it could be that you are pridefully resisting God's Word and revealed will. Instead, humbly submit to His providence and law of love. Then, he WILL give more grace.

Photo Entry #2

2011-02-07T18:13:00.003-06:00

This one from the Pawnee National Grasslands in NE Colorado. We drove very slowly on the all-dirt roads to avoid hitting potholes, cows, and prairie dogs. The reduction in pace made photo-taking much more pleasant, and the drive altogether enjoyable. Contrary to what one might believe, the views were absolutely breathtaking in the afternoon sun.

What about love?

2011-01-22T10:51:00.007-06:00

Our pastor has been conducting a brief digression from our normal Sunday morning study over the book of Ephesians to talk about loving God, the greatest commandment. I think it's ironic (?) that I have been struggling with this same issue myself, and ordered several books on the matter of what it means to love. If there is any proof that humans are not naturally inclined to love, it is this: I have turned it into a research project.

D A Carson's Love in Hard Places is where I've chosen to start this trip. So far, I am encouraged by his commitment to understanding what love is and what it is not. He says in Chapter 1, Love and the Commandment of God, "Because all of the expressions of our love take place in a fallen and broken world of which we are part, we are unwise to retreat too quickly to merely sentimental notions of love. To love wisely and well, to love appropriately, to love faithfully, to love in line with biblical expectations of what it means to love, is commonly a very difficult thing to do."

I am looking forward to what the Spirit does in my heart as I study this topic. Your prayers are earnestly coveted.

Photo Entry #1

2011-01-22T10:18:00.002-06:00

Taken in 2006 with the 20D and 15-30 Sigma. A bit soft, and not too faithful to the highlights, this kit got the job done. Not a bad view.

What being reduced to a part-time employee has taught me

2011-01-19T14:10:00.005-06:00

1. My mouth. It likes to say things that imply I do not trust God. Much of the time this is a weak attempt at wit or to be funny and entertaining. Being witty and entertaining are horrible foolish things to pursue if they come at the expense of holiness and faithfulness to my God. And most foolish if I am aware of the distinction and pursue vanity over purity nonetheless.

2. My work ethic. It stinks. This has prompted a great call to the Lord for grace in this area. Not just for forgiveness, but for gracious strength and power. I look back on my life, and while I hold no regrets, I do not think it imprudent to learn from past decisions that were unwise or foolish. I trust God's sovereign hand in all of it, even His power to use my sin for my own spiritual good, and the comfort that brings me.

2.5 Concerning my work, and trust, I do not seem to trust God with my job, with my gifts and with how they are developed. I feel the need to be in control of all of that, and all attempts to do so result in frustration.

3. This time has caused me to SLOW DOWN and think about things I feel I have otherwise been too hurried to consider. I meditate more, because I have less to otherwise occupy my head and heart.

3.5 I believe that I have a wrong view of what my "needs" are, and so seek to fill needs that do not really exist.

4. The most important thing I can do is trust and obey God. I see avenues much more clearly to do so now that more of my dreams, what I thought was "mine" and needed to be closely guarded and coddled, have been sheared off.

4.5 My heart's first inclination is to say "I have not sinned." 1 John has something to say about that, I believe. And it's not a hearty approval. Furthermore, our sins are never beyond the reach of God's grace and redemption. However, I do nothing concerning the matter. It is all God's power affecting the redemptive outcome. I think I fail to grasp the magnitude of that.

4.75 I do not live a life of gratitude. My boss has done so much to keep this little office together, and I do not work with an eye toward that. Much less do I live my life with my eye set toward the cross, and the gratitude that His sacrifice ought to stir in my heart. This grieves me every time I think about it.

5. I see now how much MORE I sin than I did before. It is a strangely unpleasant and yet hopeful place to be, because I know much more the love of God as a result of it. I cry out to God less for my physical comfort than I do for the comfort of my soul. I do not believe this to be at all unprofitable.

Distractions, distractions

2010-10-06T13:51:00.002-05:00

I am putting another "bookmark" in my mind here. Please forgive the rather detached-ness with anything in particular in my life. But my mind was piqued yet again with a certain occurrence having a great similarity with an occurrence nearly four years ago. And the bottom line in both of these occurrences is my need to wrestle with scripture until I get it right, and plead with the Holy Spirit to give me wisdom as I read and seek to discern what the will of the Lord is. It is so easy to read a passage of scripture and make a quick assumption that we know what it means. But that isn't always the case; we don't always have that instant understanding.

We are given so much in society, we don't have to go looking for much anymore. We have cell phones that tell us where the nearest pizza place is if we will only speak our preference into the microphone, GPS that instantly tells us where we are, and multi-media presentations that put all of the information together in one neat package that precludes any necessity to go out and actually get our hands dirty with the facts ourselves. Now, I'm not advocating reinventing the wheel. However, I think there is a laziness that pervades our current society that should cause those who wish to be sober to stop and question whether the amount of effort we put into something (understanding God's Word, for example) couldn't be greater and more robust. We are called to seek wisdom as for precious metals and gems. It has a high value. We should esteem it so, and our efforts to gain it ought to convey that value.

Lord, grant me the heart of repentance and humility necessary to seek out the wisdom found in Your Word alone. May I never merely accept my own understanding of scripture without asking You first for your aid in understanding. And may I not be lazy about seeking out wisdom, halfheartedly as if it was not worth the immeasurable value your Word tells me that it is.

2010-09-07T13:08:00.004-05:00

I am reading through Spurgeon's The Saint and his Savior: The progress of the soul in the knowledge of Jesus. Here is a tidbit I will be thinking on a bit more:

Let not a libation of tears be the only offering at the shrine of Jesus; let us also rejoice with joy unspeakable. If we have need to lament our sin, how much more to rejoice at our pardon! If our previous state moves us to tears, shall not our new condition cause our hearts to leap for joy? Yes, we must, we will praise the Lord for His sovereign, distinguishing grace. We owe Him an eternal song for this change in our position; He has made us to differ, and this from mere unmerited mercy, since we, like others, "esteemed Him not." He certainly did not elect us to the high dignity of union with Himself because of any love we had toward Him, for we confess the very reverse. It is said of the writer's sainted predecessor, Dr. Rippon, that when asked why God chose His people, he replied, "Because He chose them;" and when the question was repeated, he answered yet again, "Because He did choose them, and if you ask me a hundred times I can give you no other reason." Verily it is "even so Father, because so it seemed good in thy sight." Let our gratitude for divine grace leap forth in praise; let our whole man be vocal to His honor Who has elected us in sovereignty, redeemed us by blood, and called us by grace.

Spurgeon

1 Corinthians 13:1-2

2010-07-15T14:37:00.000-05:00

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

2010-07-15T14:33:00.002-05:00

As you can see, I have not written in a while. To inform my few (are there any left?) readers of my whereabouts, let's just suffice to say that I'm taking a mental break for the moment. Thinking is essential. But love even more so. It is on the foundation of the knowledge I have that I am standing in order to urge my own soul to love others. There is no middle-of-the-road with me, only extremes, and it's time I examined the other important side of the road: love, grace, mercy and compassion, girded by the Truth, and prayer.

In quietness and confidence is your strength

2010-03-01T14:49:00.000-06:00

^{Esther 4:14}

"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place and you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?"

What confidence.

Baxter on sin

2010-02-10T19:11:00.001-06:00

But he that confesseth his sin, doth as good as say, " Lay all the blame on me who do deserve it; and not on God, on Christ, on Scripture, on religion, or on the servants of God : for I learned it not from any of them, nor was encouraged to it by them—none are greater enemies to it than they; if I had hearkened to them, I had done otherwise." It is one of the chief reasons why repentance is so necessary, because it justifieth God and godliness.

2010-01-17T21:20:00.003-06:00

It is hard to believe there is much sense in updating, but I will do it anyway.

I have begun studying for a position with a company which contracts with the FAA as a Certified Weather Observer. I have no guarantee to get this job. And those that I have spoken with have told me that I will have to work twice as hard as the next guy to get my foot in the door simply because I have no experience. I put the idea on the shelf for about six months, and now am ready to commit to the time necessary to get the job done. The point will be to go in to the contracting company and say something like this: "Hi. I want to be a weather observer. Here is the evidence of all the work I've put into learning the ins and outs of weather observing. Ask me any question. I can answer it. I love weather and know how to write a METAR in my sleep. If this work here isn't evidence of that, I don't know what is. Will you hire me?"

On another note, I thought I'd share something a little personal. Perhaps it's news (though perhaps not) to those reading r&r that I'm prone to a spell of melancholy now and then. I've learned to live with it. Partially by recording and focusing on the goodness of God, and partially by suppressing my emotions. I'm not so sure the last one is a wise move, but it's where I am with it. We are not called to be controlled by our emotions, but to have a spirit of self-control. And of love. I am learning that exercising that love for God and for others (which Romans 6 plainly gives me quarter to do, even commanding me to do so) is a good practice for dispelling the darkness that creeps in when I'm not looking.

This painting by Frank Bramley expresses much of it. I know the painting looks hopeless -- in fact it is titled A Hopeless Dawn -- but I can relate so well to the image that I have fallen in love with it. The sun is rising, there is food and fire on the table, and a home with company. And yet the disconsolate figure in the foreground is quite often my soul in the midst of the provision of the basic necessities of life and beyond. It is utter insanity, yet I have learned the compassionate response to such emotions is paramount. I fail to exercise it, but I cannot say I do not know it.

Finally, I have decided that a bit of sharpening of my mental skills is needed. I am spending the evenings not spent in study for the test in study of other matters. I am currently reading a biography of Michael Faraday, jotting notes in the margins and generally awed by the providence of God in the life, gifting, and struggles of one of His children. In the end, Faraday would exercise his love of science to provide a blessing for all humanity with his advancement of electromagnetism, and his diaries and lab notes which provide keen insight into what appears (to me) to be the Christian's encouragement gained from the philosophy of scientific inquiry. I wish I was less dull in order to provide a clear exposition of my thoughts, but it will be sufficient to say that the search for truth, both physically and spiritually, both require the careful attention paid to words and a reliance upon clear communication and exactness of meaning. In other words, no fluffy stuff. Today's science has welcomed fluff and I believe we will see a consequent decline in the amount of "real" science and "real" benefit to humankind.

That's all for now.

2009-12-17T11:48:00.000-06:00

It must not be dissembled, that, in the progress of such a reform, certain inconveniences will be necessarily encountered; but these will be speedily compensated by an influx of real and permanent advantages. The pangs which accompanied the "death unto sin," will be soon forgotten in the pleasures which result from a "life unto righteousness;" and the peace and hope which abound in the way, will efface the recollection of those agonistic efforts by which it was entered.

-John Owen

2009-12-15T17:13:00.000-06:00

So this is what is meant by "regretting the poor decisions made in one's past".

2009-12-09T17:55:00.001-06:00

XV. "Watch against the pride of your own reason and a vain conceit of your own intellectual powers, with the neglect of divine aid and blessing. Presume not upon great attainments in knowledge by your own self-sufficiency : those who trust to their own understanding entirely are pronounced fools in the word of God ; and it is the wisest of men gives them this character. "He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool," Prov. 28: 26. And the same divine writer advises us to " trust in the Lord with all our heart, and not to lean to our understandings, nor to be wise in our own eyes," chap. 3 : 5, 7.

XVI. Offer up, therefore, your daily requests to God the Father of lights, that He would bless all your attempts and labors in reading, study, and conversation. Think with yourself how easily and how insensibly, by one turn of thought, He can lead you into a large scene of useful ideas: He can teach you to lay hold on a clue which may guide your thoughts with safety and ease through all the difficulties of an intricate subject. Think how easily the Author of your beings can direct your motions, by His providence, so that the glance of an eye, or a word striking the ear, or a sudden turn of the fancy, shall conduct you to a train of happy sentiments. By His secret and supreme method of government, He can draw you to read such a treatise, or converse with such a person, who may give you more light into some deep subject in an hour, than you could obtain by a month of your own solitary labor.

Implore constantly His divine grace to point your inclination to proper studies, and to fix your heart there. He can keep off temptations on the right hand, and on the left, both by the course of His providence, and by the secret and insensible intimations of His Spirit. He can guard your understandings from every evil influence of error, and secure you from the danger of evil books and men, which might otherwise have a fatal effect and lead you into pernicious mistakes.

Even the poets call upon the muse as a goddess to assist them in their compositions.

The first lines of Homer in his Iliad and his Odyssey, the first line of Mussaeus in his song of Hero and Leander, the beginning of Hesiod in his poem of Works and Days, and several others furnish us with sufficient examples of this kind; nor does Ovid leave out this piece of devotion, as he begins his stories of the Metamorphoses. Christianity so much the more obliges us, by the precepts of Scripture, to invoke the assistance of the true God in all our labors of the mind, for the improvement of ourselves and others. Bishop Saunderson says, that study without prayer is atheism, as well as that prayer without study is presumption. And we are still more abundantly encouraged by the testimony of those who have acknowledged, from their own experience, that sincere prayer was no hinderance to their studies: they have gotten more knowledge sometimes upon their knees, than by their labor in perusing a variety of authors; and they have left this observation for such as follow, Rene orasse est bene studuisse, "praying is the best studying."

To conclude, let industry and devotion join together, and you need not doubt the happy success. Prov. 2:2: "Incline thine ear to wisdom; apply thine heart to understanding; cry after knowledge, and lift up thy voice: seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasures; then shalt thou understand the fear of the Lord," etc., which "is the beginning of wisdom." It is "the Lord who gives wisdom even to the simple, and out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding."

-Isaac Watts

2009-12-07T15:44:00.006-06:00

I am currently reading Darwin's On the Origin of Species. What a fascinating book. I have a distinct feeling that those who claim to uphold this text as some great saviour to knowledge of our origins clearly have never read it. Darwin here is providing us with more questions than answers. Thus far, I am getting the distinct impression that what scientific philosophy perpetuated the geocentric model of the solar system is the SAME philosophy behind the perpetuation of evolution. Conjecture, and lots of it. Think what you want, whatever "seems" right. It's not enough to humbly accept missing information anymore.

And I know this from personal experience. How often have I lied to myself in order to provide some closure to holes in my knowledge. It was not with truth or fact that I closed the gaps, but with conjecture that had absolutely no basis on what really "was". The more I immerse myself in the fascinating world of scientific philosophy, the more I determine that empirical knowledge is still considered a debatable source of truth, and that conjecture is a viable substitute. Some things never change.

Not that all men are to be horribly blamed, I think. After all, we come to conclusions on our own after all the data have been mined, and the experiments are completed. How do we know what data to look at? How do we know what is the "truth" of all that we observe?

I rather like Wernher von Braun's opinion on the matter:

Scientific concepts exist only in the minds of men. Behind these concepts lies the reality which is being revealed to us, but only by the grace of God.

and Michael Faraday's as well:

Man's natural mind is a very unstable thing, and most credulous, and the imagination, often rules it when reason is thought to be there.

2009-12-03T15:54:00.003-06:00

Now, I'm not going to say this out too loudly, but I figured I'd jot it down here anyway.

I've been very interested lately in scientific philosophy, and how even the way we gather scientific data, and analyze scientific data, say something about our love for truth. For THE Truth. How our knowledge of what God commands, and His sovereignty over all Creation, affects how science is conducted. How our submission to the Word of God, and our obedience to the gospel, affect how we conduct our inquiry into the world. I mean, it certainly ought to be the greatest influence upon how we live.

I'm only whispering this because it might make me look like too much of a nerd.

On doing hard things

2009-11-25T11:16:00.006-06:00

Things that are difficult:

1. Being faithful with the little things. Like keeping the apartment swept clean and keeping up with exercise and staying faithful in the Word and prayer. Like getting to bed on time, and getting OUT of bed when the alarm goes off. Only getting the hot tea at Starbucks because it's the wisest use of my money.

2. Scheduling in the big stuff. Why is it that the small insignificant things that are selfish wastes of time seem to have no problem making their way into my day? Am I really that selfish?

3. Keeping up with relationships for the sake of the other person. It is easy to "work on" a relationship with people we enjoy being around. But what about the relationships that really require effort? Are they any less worthy of our time? What does this say about how I feel about my relationship with Christ, probably the most poignant and difficult-to-maintain relationship I will ever have?

4. Being holy. This one ought to be obvious. But so difficult.

Lord, make me ever mindful of my helplessness, and to deny any thought that any duty I faithfully maintain can recommend me more to you than any terrible deed can cast me off from you.

2009-11-17T14:45:00.003-06:00

Change Upon Change
Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Five months ago the stream did flow,
The lilies bloomed within the sedge,
And we were lingering to and fro,--
Where none will track thee in this snow,
Along the stream, beside the hedge.
Ah, Sweet, be free to love and go!
For if I do not hear thy foot,
The frozen river is as mute,
The flowers have dried down to the root;
And why, since these be changed since May,
Shouldst thou change less than they?

And slow, slow as the winter snow,
The tears have drifted to mine eyes;
And my poor cheeks, five months ago,
Set blushing at thy praises so,
Put paleness on for a disguise.
Ah, Sweet, be free to praise and go!
For if my face is turned too pale,
It was thine oath that first did fail,--
It was thy love proved false and frail!
And why, since these be changed enow,
Should I change less than thou?

Step 1 of Directing Myself

2009-10-29T16:41:00.001-05:00

Step 1: Register and start designing website, www.accasphoto.com.

DONE

Soliciting advice

2009-10-29T16:24:00.003-05:00

It seems to me that all throughout life, and through college, I have been responding to a number of requests that have gotten me where I am. Marcia, do this. Marcia, do that. And this is how I finish high school, go to college, choose a career and complete the numerous daily activities that all of this requires.

But what if one discovers that when those external commands stop, one is horrible at commanding one's own direction?

Update

2009-10-27T15:07:00.003-05:00

Just because I feel like writing something. maybe this will sound like a complaint, but I'm not complaining. I'm thankful. I'm just also sore from sleeping on the couch. All this North Texas rain and time has sufficiently weakened the roof of my apartment, and has efficiently caused the bedroom to remain in shambles with strategically placed buckets. The couch has been to escape the constant dripping sound of water falling eight feet. So tonight, I'm going to prepare myself for the next deluge promised in a few days. I'm installing string plumblines at the source of the leaks with the weights resting just above the bottom of the buckets. No more dripping noises. And no more waking up extremely sore.

That is all.

2009-09-17T17:13:00.002-05:00

It's just one of those places in life where I feel like I'm spiritually down for the ten count.

2009-09-16T12:47:00.002-05:00

What I've discovered lately is that we all seem to have answers. Sometimes those answers are not really answers at all, but more like opinions.

As a professional and a believer I am trying to find that balance of ministry and professional growth. It is easy for me to be rather imbalanced concerning the matter. Christ first, indeed. But how do I use my time to maximize my overall effectiveness? I'm not talking about reading books on leadership or engaging any kind of hocus pocus fluff. I'm talking more about learning to do the things that matter. Like being a better writer and communicator for the purpose of serving others. Like managing my time better to also better serve others the Lord has placed in my life.

Bottom line is that the Bible comes first. Nothing can be said or done that contradicts the word of God and still be given quarter in my life. All must point to loving God with ALL my heart, soul, mind and strength, and loving my neighbor as myself. I am starting to think that it does not mean what I think it means. Much of what I do is under the guise of loving God, but is really selfish. I know that. Many wasted hours of nothingness come to mind.

Life is to be enjoyed, for sure, and how much better for the one who has the ability to enjoy his life to just be happy? But I can't get past the fact that while all things are permissible, not all things are beneficial. Also, what I consider "happiness" may not coincide with others' definitions. To me, happiness is chasing storms, and being lost in the wonder of its architecture. Man, I'd chase a squall line, to tell the truth. Nothing but linear junk and lots of wind and rain. But there's nothing like sitting out a major downburst in one's car (or even photographing one from a distance).

If this is what I was made to enjoy on this earth (because truly, the capacity to enjoy this is a gift from God) then I hope that all of my enjoyment flows back to God in praise.

What else makes me happy? Conversation over coffee. A good NON-fiction book (but Jenna's latest novel has definitely won me over for the time being to the value of the story). Knowing (and even the search for) the truth about something. Grasping new knowledge.

I was contemplating the general revelation that God has put on this earth for us. It is to point us to Him, and throughout recorded history we SEE that. Religions are so entwined with the earth and sky. But what is missing? There MUST be that special revelation of God through His Word.

So what am I enjoying most these days? What makes me the most happy (clearly, I reason this, because it is what I have been engaging in)? Standing firm on God's special specific revelation of Himself, looking for the general revelation He has placed in the world He created. The meaning of all things is derived from its author. From the meaning of light to the why parents look like their children.

None of this is situational. I hope that by knowing God more, searching out the truth of Who He is in scripture, I may see more clearly how He has revealed Himself in nature.

¹⁸ For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, ¹⁹ because what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them. ²⁰ For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, ²¹ because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. ²² Professing to be wise, they became fools, ²³ and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man—and birds and four-footed animals and creeping things.
²⁴ Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, ²⁵ who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.

Recession

2009-09-10T10:34:00.000-05:00

I once asked my boss what it meant to be in a recession. His answer was that we would work more for less pay. He was right on both accounts.

My goal: As much as I hate drafting, to be the best draftsman I can be.

2009-09-01T16:14:00.001-05:00

1. For as much as I'm disappointed with Lewis' The Abolition of Man, in that it seems to be a large bit of man-made wisdom and discusses ideas that could be more clearly derived and explained from the Bible, I am ALSO curious about the fact that not too many people DO seem to either have chests OR a standard by which to make any sort of judgment. My main contention with Lewis in this book is his lack of defense of the real truth, the only Truth. Perhaps that is yours, too. He left his readers with guilty consciences and a number of avenues by which to attempt to assuage them. I know it's a philosophy book, but they should probably erase the references to his Christianity from it.

2. I have been reading articles about the benefit of hiring an architect in order to put together a similar summary statement for the brochure I'm designing for the firm. Being fond of old things, I decided to amble through Google books' treasury of architecture magazines from the early 20th century, and I found something strikingly odd. The reason for being an architect has shifted dramatically in the last 100 years. And I began to brood (as I often do) over why this was so (I discovered the bottom line to be money, really) and whether this was "good" for the profession. I haven't found any positive reasons yet.

3. So, what does it mean to be a professional? What does it mean to be a "misfit"? Doctors are regarded as heroes when they defy conventional practice in order to save the life of their patient. Lawyers are regarded as heroes when they risk their neck (and their practice) in order to make a stand for something that is "right". And where are architects? After my (depressing) reading, I think it's safe to say we've already sold out. We're using flowery language about how we can make the world a better place through design, and we're ignoring the fact that we also have a set of professional ethics we're expected to live by to the benefit of our client. If architecture could be a man, he'd be emasculated. While I know this is a result of the fall, it's depressing to go to work in an environment where the only thing that matters is the bottom line and there is no standard of care that is encouraged and modeled.

4. If I were to try to do things differently, I think I'd make more enemies than friends. *sulk*

5. On the flip side, when reading about what it means to be a professional, I am encouraged that there ARE a lot of qualities and values that are comparable to what Christians ought to be doing. Serving. Helping. Exercising compassion. But I'm not quite sure WHOM I should be serving, because the architect/client relationship is so ambiguous. I "serve" Fairfield Residential. It's like showing compassion to an unconscious machine. I can look at it this way, though: "Marcia, you can serve your boss and coworkers". And yes, that is true; I can, I shall, and I must. But I also want to selfishly interject that this is not the reason I went to school to become a "professional." I am a professional to serve the interests of my client with a clear view to what is right and wrong.

6. I'm not knocking Lewis. I think the book came off the shelf at the right time.

7. I have a lot more to pray about now.

8. My bottom line: Titus 2:9-10 Urge bondslaves to be subject to their own masters in everything, to be well-pleasing, not argumentative, not pilfering, but showing all good faith so that they will adorn the doctrine of God our Savior in every respect.

2009-08-26T15:02:00.001-05:00

There is a hidden danger in sentimentality, I believe.

2009-08-26T11:25:00.001-05:00

Stuff like this just doesn't make the big time.

On the reading of old books

2009-08-24T11:25:00.000-05:00

A wise man on going to the source.

A book suggestion

2009-08-20T11:46:00.002-05:00

This looks good.... not that I don't already have too many to choose from as it is.

2009-08-20T11:38:00.004-05:00

I have realized that it has taken me thirty years to finally "grow up".

- I desire to be in the Word on my own, digging and finding out for myself what it says so that I may be able to refute those who contradict.

- I desire to work hard at work, and not slack off. To not do the least amount to get by, but to be excellent in everything that I attempt.

- I desire to use my free time wisely, either to educate myself further in natural matters, or in spiritual matters, or to serve others in the Body of believers.

- I desire to be in the world so that I may more fully engage those who are not believers with the truth of Jesus Christ.

- I desire to leave some of the more childish things behind, to stop looking back toward Egypt for safety and security, but to the face of God for upholding with His righteous right hand.

- I desire to daily nurture that blessed hope of the glory of God, and not neglect any longer to think on it and to live each day in the light of it.

What I'm reading, and why I'm reading it.

2009-08-03T15:04:00.003-05:00

Briefly, what has come to my attention is that I have given too little quarter to work and to vocation. The one thing that is a constant in this world, although perhaps too little people value it as it ought to be valued, is the idea of hard work. Living in America, this can be easy. I have been given so much. Sometimes, I do not work hard, and do not even know HOW to. What is expected of me? How do I set expectations for myself? These are questions I still struggle with daily. So, I decided to immerse myself into this topic in order to gain understanding of how I am to use this life, these resources that I've been given as a ministry tool, a tool to share the gospel. Like anyone embarking upon what is promising to be a long and arduous construction project, I have a lot of tools gathered about me. This is the book I am reading now about vocation. While I cannot say that I agree wholeheartedly with everything in this book, I AM coming to an understanding of what my heart attitude ought to be toward my vocation and why it should be that way.

2009-07-30T08:44:00.002-05:00

One thing I have determined. That when life's tempests toss my boat too high for my comfort, I find strength in the words "Thy will be done" and calm assurance in the situation of my heart in the same manner.

2009-07-29T17:18:00.002-05:00

Thought for the day:

Divine grace is still at work in my life.

The More Excellent Sacrifice

2009-07-28T22:19:00.002-05:00

You need peace. Satan threatens. The law condemns. Conscience accuses. Your wounds are deep. Your burdens heavy. Memory shews frightful spectres. The heart bleeds. You go mourning and heavy laden. You look to self.--It is despair. You look to the world.--It mocks your woe. You look to reform.--It is a broken cistern. You fly to outside performances of devotion.--They are reeds, which break and pierce the hand. How different is "the more excellent sacrifice?" It tells you, that God is satisfied, guilt remitted, and all accusers dumb. It thus brings peace--perfect peace, which passeth all understanding. Will you now be Cain-like and reject "the more excellent sacrifice?"

--Henry Law
Christ is All

Under Pressure

2009-07-28T14:15:00.002-05:00

I am discovering in this fallen world of business, in which I work, that there is a great pressure to "ignore" the rules. It really is sin manifested in the actions of those around me, my coworkers. It engulfs me as a great pressure to fall in line with the consensus of the office, even if it is illegal. And all I can do is pray for a spiritual mind to combat the ruler of the air who rules in my office at the moment. It is very easy to forget that He is with me, protecting me, guiding me, correcting me, sheltering me, teaching me. But He is. He is kind always. Kind to me. To think anything less is blatant egregious sin.

It is easy to get frustrated and angry. But I am discovering that compassion OUGHT to be the response of my heart, because they are lost, and I was like them once, too. Compassion was the driving motive for Christ's manifestation among us, for His condescension, and His grace to us. Compassion was behind Christ's personal rescue of my soul from danger, His administering salve to open my eyes, His clothing me with His righteousness, His bestowing me with every inconceivable blessing and wealth that is from above. Compassion coupled with the truth ought to be the response to the pressure around me to live according to the standards of this present world, which is passing away with its lusts.

Lord, please grant us a compassionate heart, such as you have for your lost sheep, that we may lovingly convey the truth to those around us, even in the blazing heat of opposition. Teach our hearts to hold fast to the truth that no one can harm us, even though we are pressed and distressed.

2009-07-25T22:15:00.003-05:00

I have been giving much thought lately to what it means to imitate God. What it means to please God. What it means to put off and put on, moment by moment. This is, after all, what we are called to do.

But we don't. We don't often see this as paramount to our lives here on earth. And then we wonder why Christianity has been hijacked by an empty purpose driven crowd urging us to live our best lives now. I wondered why there could be so much empty teaching out there. How did that happen? I think it might have had something to do with our impotent lives, and our daily refusal to deny ourselves, pick up our crosses and to follow Him.

We may THINK that our coworkers or friends will not see the connection between the way we live our lives, the decisions that we make, and the faith that we proclaim with our lips.

I was driving to a job site last week with a few coworkers in the car. We were driving down a particular highway where a lot of police were known to set up and catch speeders. One coworker felt me braking as we approached a police car with his radar gun trained on the traffic, and said essentially "Don't brake, Marcia, just let your foot off the gas." and I asked him why. He said "because you look guilty if you brake." and I said "well, I AM guilty".

It is so easy to think that others think like we do and when presented with right and wrong, will point out the difference between the two and praise the right. But rather, they mostly seem to choose to play down the evidence of guilt even though every one can plainly see it. And I wonder, what is my responsibility to use that to point out what Romans says about sin and guilt, and what is my responsibility to use that to teach the gospel.

How about you?

2009-07-20T21:46:00.001-05:00

Tip of the day:

If you ask the Lord to show you just how much of a sinner you are.... He will.

Psalm 139: 23-24

2009-07-20T15:23:00.001-05:00

I can't remember the last time my marching orders included the words "plod." But I feel that I am there now. I am learning a lot about humility and godliness and holiness. And that it is no sin to imitate God, no matter how much the struggle.

Work is just as much of a struggle as it has ever been. But I am convinced that I am to be here. I will not take this with me, and I think that a revision in my own understanding of what work is to be about is in order. It must be about God and His work. I must keep my eyes fixed upon Heaven.

Oh, why is this so hard? Why?

Thoughts on books

2009-04-09T10:09:00.006-05:00

I have been giving great consideration to the weather lately. From surface lows that unequally transport heat and water vapour across the face of the ground, to the severity of severe weather, to the gracious yielding of rain when most of the rest of the state is under the highest fire danger level. I used to give it sole consideration as an expression of architecture, but recently my mental emphasis has shifted. It seems that these past few months prior to the chase week have been void of any uniquely pressing matters, and have left me with more time with the Lord. I have been meditating on His goodness and Providence in great measure, and have been applying that knowledge to the weather.

So, about books. Perhaps this is just a little place mark to come back to one day, but I hope to write a book about the weather and the goodness of God. But also the power of God, the gentleness and kindness of God, the Providence of God, the wrath and might of God, and the mercy and grace of God. Who knows what will come of this little manuscript. Perhaps nothing. Perhaps I'll pair it with a handful of photos and make a nice Christmas gift with it, who knows.

But all things ought to result in ceaseless praise to God.

Where I've Been

2009-03-30T10:26:00.002-05:00

I've come to settle temporarily on a future destination. Jetmore, KS, leave the light on for me. And maybe about 80 acres on yer west.
Discovering that of all our dreams for this life, should God choose not to bless them, He will absolutely provide something in its place.
A life lived in patient and humble obedience is the life best lived.
Cultivating godly character is a pursuit worth the time and effort, the sweat and the tears.
I am a creature of God whose life is but as the grass, and who should not worry about life overtaking her at an overwhelming speed like volcanic ash down a mountain, lest I keep apace. No, God will sustain me even at a slower pace in life, because this is all about His renown.
Oh, the quietness and peace about me I used to consider such a bane, as a stormy petrel is wont to do. But I've discovered that this very nuisance is actually but a grander blessing than can be weighed on earthly scales.

2009-03-02T14:25:00.000-06:00

From an actual product's website:

This simulated stone is hand crafted from natural stone and is nearly impossible to detect.

So, don't go looking for our stone on your walls... you're likely going to have a hard time finding it.

Lessons

2009-02-20T10:51:00.001-06:00

I am learning to slow down.
I am learning about repentance.
I am learning about love.

The Word of God must cut straight through to the heart. It must.

Another random and disjointed blog entry

2009-02-12T15:37:00.002-06:00

I'm on the ride of my life at the moment. Spiritually speaking. Letting go of what I want in life is so hard, because there is the great fear that I will be made miserable by it. That if this is the one thing that I've always wanted, well, only a fool would stop pursuing that. Only a fool would let it go and seek to want Christ alone, and whatever comes with Him. That is what my mind constantly wants to remind me. But on the other hand, what evidence would I have to show that the Lord is ready and willing to be true to His promises? What proof would I have that He is true to His Word if I was not willing to put my earthly desires aside, to stop striving for them, and to wait for them to come to me in His time? What proof would I have that He is superior to all if I did not seek Him above all else, and be filled? How could I tell someone that He is worth it, if I did not see nor feel His worth? If I did not seek Him as rare and costly treasure? If I did not let Him lead me into a wasteland to be fed by ravens? Oh, what trust! Oh, what sacrifice! How much one must hate the world to follow Him? And yet, there is so much more to be enjoyed in this world when we set aside our own sketches of what it looks like outside, and actually open the door to see for ourselves. We may be so afraid that it will not look like the sketches and ideas we've been clinging to, and that we'll be disappointed by what we see. So we peer intently into the pictures we've drawn, longing to be made joyful by them. Walking in the trust we profess to have in Christ sometimes means putting the sketches down on the table, and going over to the door to open it and look outside at what He has actually made.

2009-02-09T10:28:00.001-06:00

I am learning what it means to be content, and to do one's work as unto the Lord. This means not worrying constantly about whether or not I am fit for the job, but whether I am, moment by moment, accomplishing the task. Not whether I can pound out more work than the next guy, but whether I am earning the paycheck my boss has agreed to give me. Work is not to me, but to God and His glory.

2009-02-04T10:22:00.002-06:00

Jeremiah Burroughs in The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment

But you will object: What you speak of is very good, if we could attain to it; but is it possible for anyone to attain to this? It is possible if you get skill in the art of it; you may attain to it, and it will prove to be not such a difficult thing either, if you but understand the mystery of it. There are many things that men do in their callings, that if a countryman comes and sees, he thinks it a mighty hard thing, and that he should never be able to do it. But that is because he does not understand the art of it; there is a twist of the hand by which you may do it with ease. Now that is the business of this book, to open to you the art and mystery of contentment.

I hope you find time to read the book.

Dear Diary

2009-02-02T20:33:00.003-06:00

Day 33 of my trek through the Bible in one year. Many evil deeds perpetrated on the young earth. Many animals slaughtered. But there is hope.

I wanted to stop at an unusual place. Leviticus 5:4.

Or if a person swears, speaking thoughtlessly with his lips to do evil or to do good, whatever it is that a man may pronounce by an oath, and he is unaware of it -- when he realizes it, then he shall be guilty in any of these matters.

How often do I do this? How often do I make such statements against some thing or some one? And it is their carelessness that causes us to dismiss their value. They were insincere words spoken by us, so they ought not to mean anything. Right?

Now, I am not seeking to be legalistic. But I AM seeking holiness. I have been dealing with a desire to serve God, but with no idea where to start. How can my wicked heart know the right way?

Oh, but there is an answer for that in God's Word.

Psalm 119:9 tells us how. How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word.

Psalm 119:162 I rejoice at Your word as one who finds great treasure.

Psalm 119:11 Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You.

And finally
Psalm 1:1-3 Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper.

2009-02-01T07:51:00.002-06:00

2009 is the year I begin reading the Bible all the way through. Now, there was a big hiccup at the end of Genesis, but I'm back on track in Exodus. I am gaining a lot more from reading the Bible through than I ever thought I would. I remember reading it through as a kid with my parents, but I never understood it. That was because I was not regenerated, and I COULD not understand it. I had to remind myself that I would most certainly get something out of every day, because I am now able to comprehend spiritual things. It is quite amazing how we often have to pull rank on our minds.

So, as I said, I am in Exodus. The children of Israel have just finished partying with the calf, and God has just shown Moses His back. And a few things have impressed themselves upon me, and I thought I would blog about them for once in a long while.

1. God is very jealous for His holiness. The oil and the incense that was ONLY to be used in the tabernacle, for example. And the priest's garments that could not touch anything unholy. Now, think about this for a moment. God is Holy, and He cannot be anything BUT holy. But what about us? We are commanded to be holy (Lev 11:44; 1 Peter 1:16). We are priests (Exodus 19:6; Rev. 1:5-6), and we are His temple (John 2:21; 1 Cor 6:19). And are we so zealous for God's holiness as Moses was? I would say not many. I see how in my life I abuse grace over and over again. And the holiness of God is often far from my mind. It ought to be in front of my eyes.

2. In Exodus 33:18-23 Moses asks God to show him His glory. But the Lord says that no man can see His face and live, but that He will show Moses His back. And I considered how God does this often. We do not see the front side of God in His work, but after He has passed, we see the back of Him in the wake of provision He leaves after Himself for us. All the while, He covers us with His hand and protects us, as the Psalmist calls the Lord the rock of his refuge and strength. Oh, I wish I could say this more clearly.

3. What favor Moses found in God's sight, by the Lord's own choosing. (Exodus 33:17, 19b) And how steadfast he was for God's own glory.

Needful Poetry

2009-01-30T10:20:00.001-06:00

John Bunyan's poem on Needful Things.

Those Puritans...

2009-01-29T14:21:00.001-06:00

Hence it follows, that manifold and successive afflictions are no more than what is necessary for the best of Christians; the mortification of our lusts requires them all, be they never so many, 1 Pet. 1:5, "If need be, ye are in heaviness;" it is no more than need, that one loss should follow another, to mortify an earthly heart; for so intensely are our affections set upon the world, that it is not one, or two, or many checks of providence, that will suffice to wean and alienate them. Alas, the earthliness of our hearts will take all this, it may be much more than this, to purge them: the wise God sees it but necessary to permit frequent discoveries of our own weakness, and to let loose the tongues of many enemies upon us, and all little enough to pull down our pride, and the vanity that is in our hearts: Christian, how difficult soever it be for thee to bear it; yet the pride of thy heart requires all the scoffs and jeers, all the calumnies and reproaches, that ever the tongues or pens of thy bittersweet enemies, or mistaken friends, have at any time thrown upon thee. Such rank weeds as grow in our hearts, will require hard frosts and very sharp weather to rot them; the straying bullock needs a heavy clog, and so doth a Christian, whom God will keep within the bounds and limits of His commandments, Psalm 69:67, Daniel 11:35.

John Flavel

From The Whole Works of the Reverend John Flavel

The Method of Grace, Sermon 28

Blogspotting

2009-01-29T11:29:00.001-06:00

I am always thankful for God's faithfulness to continue to gift others with the ability to communicate clearly.

2009-01-29T10:03:00.000-06:00

"They are not our best friends that stir the pride of our hearts by the flattery of their lips."

John Flavel

2009-01-28T00:18:00.000-06:00

"I prefer to sing Scripture words," she once explained, "because He did not promise that our words should not return to Him void."
-From the biographical prologue to Poems by Francis R. Havergal

2 Samuel 7

2009-01-22T15:19:00.000-06:00

David's Prayer

18Then David the king went in and sat before the LORD, and he said, "^(AC)Who am I, O Lord GOD, and what is my house, that You have brought me this far?

19"And yet this was insignificant in Your eyes, O Lord GOD, ^(AD)for You have spoken also of the house of Your servant concerning the distant future And ^(AE)this is the custom of man, O Lord GOD.

20"Again what more can David say to You? For ^(AF)You know Your servant, O Lord GOD!

21"^(AG)For the sake of Your word, and according to Your own heart, You have done all this greatness to let Your servant know.

22"For this reason ^(AH)You are great, O Lord GOD; for ^(AI)there is none like You, and there is no God besides You, ^(AJ)according to all that we have heard with our ears.

23"And ^(AK)what one nation on the earth is like Your people Israel, whom God went to redeem for Himself as a people and to make a name for Himself, and ^(AL)to do a great thing for You and awesome things for Your land, before ^(AM)Your people whom ^(AN)You have redeemed for Yourself from Egypt, from nations and their gods?

24"For ^(AO)You have established for Yourself Your people Israel as Your own people forever, and ^(AP)You, O LORD, have become their God.

25"Now therefore, O LORD God, the word that You have spoken concerning Your servant and his house, confirm it forever, and do as You have spoken,

26^(AQ)that Your name may be magnified forever, by saying, 'The LORD of hosts is God over Israel'; and may the house of Your servant David be established before You.

27"For You, O LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, have made a revelation to Your servant, saying, '^(AR)I will build you a house'; therefore Your servant has found courage to pray this prayer to You.

28"Now, O Lord GOD, You are God, and ^(AS)Your words are truth, and You have promised this good thing to Your servant.

29"Now therefore, may it please You to bless the house of Your servant, that it may continue forever before You. For You, O Lord GOD, have spoken; and ^(AT)with Your blessing may the house of Your servant be blessed forever."

2009-01-21T14:47:00.000-06:00

I am framing a few pictures today at work. There is something about doing something with my hands that gives me pleasure and joy in the work there is to do in life.

I also picked up a few dented and dinged picture frames from Hobby Lobby while out for lunch. I have an idea for them... I might post the finished product here later.

2009-01-21T10:41:00.003-06:00

I don't have a whole lots of time to write here today, so I'll just post a brief thought.

I had to get rid of Chester. There was nothing really wrong with the cat. On the surface, everything was fine. He was well-mannered, sociable, and cute. He had his faults, but we all do. However, I knew deep down that I needed to be obedient, even though I didn't understand why. I didn't really enjoy having him around. He was a quick decision that I made on my own without praying about first. I thought I could do that. But the lesson I learned here is that God ought to be involved in every decision I make. I never had a settled feeling in my gut after bringing him home, but thought that should fade with time. It never did.

And now I just have one cat. And she is back to her "old self." The Crystal I had before Chester came around is the one I liked more. She brings me her toys now, plays with me, talks to me, curls up with me. She doesn't behave like she's merely tolerating life anymore. And I am not merely tolerating a cat anymore.

There is freedom in obedience. And obedience brings blessing. To be sure, I am experiencing more peace, and peace is a blessing not to be disregarded.

So, do not harden your heart to obedience to Him. Trust Him and trust His Word. Otherwise, how can you say you believe Him?

A new thought for the new year

2009-01-05T17:15:00.003-06:00

I picked up this little gem in our church's bookstore over the holidays.

I'll be honest. This was the last topic I wanted to read about. The absolute last. I have never really been interested in business to the degree that I took having my own very seriously. I did a lot of contract work in college, which may sound impressive. I just did freelance AutoCAD work for contractors and homeowners, and wrote up a little Invoice, and received a check in the mail. It was a pretty simple dorm-room operation. The last thing I remember doing was for a small home-builder in OKC not long after I moved here. He needed advice on easements and eaves. I did the research, and sent him the info, along with a bill. No check. It was then that I realized that moonlighting was just not worth it. I have a good job here.

So, fast forward about seven years. I have my "other" degree. I have a license to practice architecture. I have a lot to learn.

But I also have this office. It's not mine, no. But it's here. It's a resource. And I am to work here to the glory of God. Now, unfortunately, not a lot of that occurs here, generally. And I've fallen into poor work ethics in some areas. I have struggled to keep on course in others. But the thought has always been in my mind that I just work here. I am not interested in managing an office. I'm not even interested in managing projects. I just do code, and I'm quite comfortable and competent at it.

But the question has been looming large in my mind with greater frequency:

"If this were my office, what would I do differently?"

I think it's perfectly fine for me to ask this question and to live those answers myself. The hardest thing for me to do has been to work for the glory of God, but it is my calling, and my greatest responsibility right now. I have no excuse for not doing it right; I have few other responsibilities.

I have found myself in the last year trying to put more on my plate than God would have ever given me for my good. What He took away was for my good, and for me to see that it was for my good, and to give me an opportunity to trust Him. But it was not His intention to leave me with nothing to work with my hands on. I look at this office and I see opportunities to glorify God with my order and neatness, with my management of time and other resources.

I have begun to read the book posted above, and have been giving a lot of thought to the moral good of work, and of going into business. If this is where I am to be, I'd rather do it all with gusto, and as unto the Lord. There will be good times and there will be bad times, and through it all "teach me Your ways, O Lord, and lead my feet in a level path because of my foes."

That's all for now. Happy New Year, from the architect.

2008-12-17T14:07:00.004-06:00

I just bought myself another iPod. My first one was sold in order to buy my bicycle. It gets plenty of use. But I can remember lamenting on many occasions that I had even sold the iPod in the first place. I have found myself in many situations where I had time on my hands, and I could get a sermon in, or listen to a passage of scripture I was trying to memorize. So I took the plunge and bought a REFURBISHED iPod.

Minor plug for refurbished merchandise: You buy it from the original manufacturer, so it comes with a warranty. It is still cheaper than it was brand new, but you don't have to worry about buying something at as-is quality. I've bought all of my laptops refurbished, and have been VERY pleasantly surprised with the quality at a lesser cost.

Anyway, it is twice as big as, and cost less than, my first one. I guess holding out was worth it. I can't wait to get the ESV on there, and John MacArthur's sermons. I even have a tape that fits in the tape deck of my car and runs from the iPod to play its contents through the speakers. I am looking forward to driving home for Christmas listening to something.... good.

My thoughts today

2008-12-17T09:29:00.001-06:00

10 Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; 11 for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

2008-12-16T10:47:00.000-06:00

A good rumination for the times we live in. Simple, yet profound.

2008-12-16T09:57:00.000-06:00

As the weeks close in on my 30th birthday, I'm thinking it might be time for a haircut...

Sorry, nothing more to post today. Just working hard at being an architect, which is my reasonable act of service, considering my propensity to laziness and selfishness.

2008-12-15T10:54:00.002-06:00

It's monday, and I'm tired. Need to be more serious about that 9 pm bedtime, I think.

A few thoughts, though.

Good post over at Team Pyro today.

Also, isn't it sometimes surprising when we realize that we try to avoid hurting others by our sin out of some self-righteous drive to avoid "sinning" when we actually offend God every moment, and we give little thought to that dimension? The post at TeamPyro today reinforced that reflection.

What we need here...

2008-12-09T10:27:00.004-06:00

Now that the breathing room has increased, I'm thinking.

Dangerous, I know.

First off, I decided to go on the chase in 2009. Jenna is paying for it. I will get another round of photos for my use. I cannot look at the entirety of what this will do for me all at once. I think I need to start looking at the positive side of this venture. This is to serve Jenna. Not myself. I would rather go into this with the mindset of "how can I serve God with this opportunity and gift?" than look excessively for the negative sides and then blowing them out of proportion and saying "Look! I told you it was a bad idea."

I was looking at the websites of some incredible light artists and just KNOW that I can reproduce that. I began thinking of all the lighting setups I could create on the fly, and how easy it can all be with the right equipment. So I just said to myself:

"Self. You understand this more than architecture. You enjoy this more than architecture. You can do this by yourself more than architecture. You are gifted at this more than architecture. It is okay if you develop this hobby on the side, but DEVELOP it indeed! Don't let it just sit there and languish because you are guilty about focusing on it. You are well aware that you can do code, and that is about it. You serve your boss and coworkers, but you don't plan to run an office, nor do you desire it. But you DO desire to engage photography, and you're not unable to do that. So, go. Do it. Keep your day job, and do this. It's not as if it is not lucrative in itself."

So, I need:

1. a domain name
2. the Canon 1D Mark II
3. business cards
4. a small softbox
5. a portable light stand
6. a transmitter
7. a car battery

Anyone have the number to National Geographic?

And now, for something completely different...

2008-12-09T08:02:00.000-06:00

Have a good weekend.

2008-12-05T10:52:00.001-06:00

Here's one for the road, encouragement from our brother.

Being dead, they speak.

2008-12-04T11:10:00.005-06:00

I just want to know...

are you burdened for them? Will you weep for them?

For your brothers and sisters? For those living a lukewarm "faith," walking along the border, not passionate about entering completely? For those who have rejected Him, who are running as hard and as fast as they can to the City of Destruction?

Who will go to the Lord and weep for them?

2008-12-02T11:50:00.000-06:00

Just because you haven’t changed all the way doesn’t mean that you aren’t changed and that doesn’t mean you aren’t changing. You may still feel the pull of the peer pressure but all this should do is prove to you that you do need to renew your mind (Romans 12:2). You do need to cast down contrary thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5), and think on good things (Philippians 4:8). You do need to realize that bad company corrupts good morals (1 Corinthians 15:33). You must water that seed, till that soil, and grow in the knowledge and grace of our Lord Jesus Christ (2 Peter 3:18).

-Voice of Vision

2008-12-02T10:01:00.001-06:00

Let's see. This morning I am longing to be in bed with a good book. I can't wait for Friday, when I head to my little cabin to get away from everything and absorb myself in my book, a little sunshine, some campfire, a horseback ride. Oh, I don't do this often enough.

2008-12-01T17:29:00.001-06:00

I don't have a phone right now. And I'm surviving amazingly well.

Maybe I should give this greater thought?

2008-11-29T15:52:00.002-06:00

Look into the world, among rich and poor, high and low, young and
old, and see whether it appear not by the whole scope of
their conversations that they set more by something else
than Christ? And for all the proclamations of his grace in
the gospel, and our common professing ourselves to be his
disciples, and to believe the glorious things that he hath
promised us in another world, whether it yet appear not by
the deceitfulness of our service, by our heartless endeavours
to obtain his kingdom, and by our busy and delightful following
of the world, that the most who are called Christians
do yet in their hearts make light of Christ; and if so, what
wonder if they perish by their contempt?

Richard Baxter
Making Light of Christ and Salvation

On Thankfulness

2008-11-26T11:49:00.002-06:00

I am genuinely thankful for God's forgiveness and restoration, even when we resolutely determine we are not going to pursue the path of submission of the heart.

Isaiah 45:19
" I have not spoken in secret,In some dark land; I did not say to the offspring of Jacob,' Seek Me in a waste place'; I, the LORD, speak righteousness, Declaring things that are upright.

2008-11-26T10:53:00.001-06:00

And again, another benefit that such trials are of to true religion, is, that they purify and increase it. They not only manifest it to be true, but also tend to refine it, and deliver it from those mixtures of that which is false, which encumber and impede it; that nothing may be left but that which is true. They tend to cause the amiableness of true religion to appear to the best advantage, as was before observed; and not only so, but they tend to increase its beauty, by establishing and confirming it, and making it more lively and vigorous, and purifying it from those things that obscured its luster and glory.

Jonathan Edwards
Religious Affections

2008-11-25T16:14:00.002-06:00

The Jews have a proverb, that there is no punishment
comes upon Israel, in which there is not one ounce of the
golden calf; meaning that that was so great a sin, as that
in every plague God remembered it ; that had an influence
on every trouble which befell them. Every man's heart
may say to him in his sufferings, as the heart of Apollodo-
rus in the kettle, ' I have been the cause of this.'
God is most angry, when he shews no anger. God
keep me from this mercy. This kind of mercy is worse
than all other kind of misery. One writing to a dead friend
has this expression, ' I account it a part of unhappiness
not to know adversity ; I judge you to be miserable, because
you have not been miserable.' It is mercy that our
affliction is not execution, but a correction. He who has
deserved hanging, may be glad if he escape with a whipping.
God's corrections are our instructions, his lashes
our lessons, his scourges our school-masters, his chastisements
our advertisements ; and to denote this, both the
Hebrews and the Greeks express chastening and teaching
by one and the same word, because the latter is the true
end of the former, according to that in the Proverb, ' Smart
makes wit, and vexation gives understanding ; ' whence
Luther fitly calls affliction, ' The Christian man's divinity.'
So says Job, chap, xxxiii. 14 — 18 ; God speaketh once, yea,
twice, yet man perceiveth it not : In a dream, in a vision of
the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings
upon the bed ; then he openeth the ears of men, and sealeth
their instruction, that he may withdraw man from his purpose,
and hide pride from man. He keepeth back his soul
from the pit, and his life from perishing by the sword.
When Satan shall tell thee of other men's sins to draw
thee to sin, do thou then think of the same men's sufferings
to keep thee from sin. Lay thy hand upon thy heart,
and say, ' O my soul, if thou sinnest with David thou must
suffer with David.'

-Thomas Brooks
Precious Remedies Against Satan's Devices

On a more personal note

2008-11-25T10:47:00.005-06:00

The Lord has been teaching me a lot of things lately. Through emotional ups and downs and knowing yet not believing. Things have been difficult, to say the least. Being such a cerebral individual, I found myself trying hard to understand. As if understanding the incomprehensible was necessary and even possible for salvation. No, merely believing like a little child is all the involvement and understanding I need. Books written about the atonement are not read for research, but for praise. Worship. Adoration.

On everything that I do not understand, I merely trust. That is hard. My analytical nature is a severe stumbling block to me, I have noticed. But there is peace in trusting. This peace is unlike anything else.

So, would you like to know why this matters right now? Because right now, I build Catholic churches. I'm involved in a number of them around the Dallas area, in fact. A monastery, a brand new building, some classroom additions, you name it. And to tell the truth, that was HARD to come to terms with. It was NOT EASY. I STRUGGLED with that. I WRESTLED until there was nothing left in me. And then I wrestled some MORE.

It got me no where. I could not, with all the mental gymnastics involved, turn the circumstance into a shape that I felt was acceptable on its own. It stood there as a giant ugly monster with halitosis. How can one dress up something so evil as the lie that is Roman Catholicism? It is, in a word, impossible.

So, where am I going with this? Simple. That I live in a very ugly world. It is beautiful in that it bears the mark of a beautiful Creator, but sin makes it ugly. And I cannot extricate myself from it no matter how hard I try. I could not bear up under the weight of thinking that the men whose words encourage me were exiled and died defending the truth against this doctrine. But I don't have to. That is not my load to bear.

There is so much I cannot understand. If God will not open my mind to understand the hows and whys, but will only order me to obedience here, then I must trust, and I must obey. I must obey my boss. It is the grace of God that has me here, I see that daily. I cannot deny it. It is a fact that I see as brazenly as I see the sun rise every morning. God does not have to have me in a circumstance that I can order in my mind in order to display His glory. It is only in trusting Him, and offering a sacrifice of thanksgiving and praise daily, that He is glorified. Of course, there are likely many more ways that I will never understand that He is receiving glory and honor, and I have to stop trying to search them out. They are unsearchable. Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! (Rom. 11:33)

So, as I discussed meeting minutes about yet another Catholic church we may be building from the ground up, I experienced a peace that passed understanding. That all of this is for God's glory. His saving me, His calling me, His gifts to me, and His directing me to my vocation. I must continue to trust, and obey. To use that mental energy to work hard here, and to follow the Lord's leading for the reason that He has me here.

In quietness and trust is your strength. (Is. 30:15)

2008-11-24T20:08:00.001-06:00

"It is with our sins that we go to God, for we have nothing else to go with that we can call our own. This is one of the lessons that we are so slow to learn; yet without learning this we cannot take one right step in that which we call a religious life."
Horatius Bonar
How Shall I Go To God?

God knows all things.

2008-11-24T14:08:00.001-06:00

"God has perfect knowledge of us, and all our thoughts and actions are open before him. It is more profitable to meditate on Divine truths, applying them to our own cases, and with hearts lifted to God in prayer, than with a curious or disputing frame of mind. That God knows all things, is omniscient; that he is every where, is omnipresent; are truths acknowledged by all, yet they are seldom rightly believed in by mankind. God takes strict notice of every step we take, every right step and every by step. He knows what rule we walk by, what end we walk toward, what company we walk with. When I am withdrawn from all company, thou knowest what I have in my heart. There is not a vain word, not a good word, but thou knowest from what thought it came, and with what design it was uttered. Wherever we are, we are under the eye and hand of God. We cannot by searching find how God searches us out; nor do we know how we are known. Such thoughts should restrain us from sin."

(Ps 139:7-16)

-Matthew Henry

2008-11-24T12:49:00.003-06:00

ECCLESIASTES 3:10

I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

"I have seen, I have diligently observed and considered upon this occasion, the travail, or the occupation or business, men's various employments, and the differing successes of them, which God hath given to the sons of men; either, 1. Which God hath imposed upon men as their duty; and therefore men must labor, although it brings them no profit, as was now said. Or 2. Which God hath inflicted upon mankind as a just punishment for their sins; to which therefore men ought quietly to submit. To be exercised in it; that hereby they might have constant matter of exercise for their diligence, and patience, and submission to God's will and providence, and for all other graces. Or, that they might be afflicted or humbled therewith, as the same phrase is rendered by divers, Eccles. i. 13." -- Matthew Poole

We often forget the value of the exercises which God has given us to work out in our lives. We ought to take advantage of each and every one of them while on this earth.

2008-11-18T16:16:00.002-06:00

HENRY FLINT was a most holy and worthy minister,
driven from his native country by the tyrannical oppressions
of Archbishop Laud. In the year 1635 he fled to New
England, where he was chosen teacher to the church at
Braintree, of which Mr. William Thompson was pastor.
There he closed his life and his labours, April 27, 1668. He
was a man of great piety, gravity, and integrity, and eminently
qualified for the ministerial work.

-The Lives of the Puritans
Benjamin Brook

2008-11-18T00:08:00.001-06:00

Causes of apparent desertion:

Our Lord Jesus designs also to try our
faith. He will see whether we can trust him
or no. When we see him by sensible enjoyment
there is not that space for faith which his
absence causes ; and, moreover, to believe what
we feel to be true is no hard matter, but to
credit what present experience appears to contradict
is a divine act which is most honourable
to the grace which enables us to do it.

-The Saint and his Saviour
C H Spurgeon

2008-11-16T07:35:00.001-06:00

Two things inspire me to study God's Word:

1. Hearing a well-exposited sermon by my pastor.

2. Hearing really poorly handled scripture by other, less-skilled, "pastors."

2008-11-15T18:33:00.003-06:00

From Worldly Saints
"Labour therefore to have the world in its own place, under thy feet."
-Richard Sibbes

2008-11-14T16:55:00.002-06:00

I found this helpful.

As well as this.

Because, you see...

2008-11-14T12:01:00.001-06:00

This is what I am getting at here.

2008-11-12T11:32:00.002-06:00

I'm gonna be honest with you. 'Cause, we're close, right? And I can tell you anything, and you'll be brutally honest with me.

I really don't think I should go back to chasing. There's a LOT more to life than that, and that LOT more happens to be crucial.

Like doing my job well. That's important. It's important to the Lord. It should be important to me, too.

Studying my Bible. What kind of handicap do I leave myself at by not applying my mind to serious study of Bible doctrine, and to applying what I've learned to my life? Probably a larger one than I'm aware of currently. There are panicky moments where I think "what have I done?" I've felt this "tug" to let go of my hobbies for a while. And these moments of apprehension come and go. But they never go away completely.

I need to start paying attention.

2008-11-11T11:47:00.002-06:00

You know, it's funny. What I have despised from my youth, God has given me a love for, and then has blessed me richly in it on this earth. He has set me free from what I clung strongly to, and has released me to enjoy it as a gift, rather than a requirement for happiness.

2008-11-10T07:51:00.004-06:00

I am trying to discipline myself to go through only one book at a time, but Marriage to a Difficult Man was sitting on the shelf next to my head this morning, and I pulled it down and read the foreword to the newest edition. This couple, Jonathan and Sarah Edwards, seems to occupy a high place in minds and hearts, but this edition seems to make their shortcomings more obvious, though missing the end to which they pressed through their sin, namely Christ. As I learn to sit and wait and be patient with the Lord and His sovereign timing and control of all things, I have come to endure a sort of love-hate relationship with my own sin. Namely, were I to not need a Savior, what great story do I have to tell?

To that end, humility is often far beyond my grasp, though I understand it is what is needed in order to see my sin, in order to understand my poverty and want. Yet we will exercise it to the greatest degree in Heaven as we worship. We so often forget that it is in humility that we approach God, either in prayer, communion with God in the Word, or in corporate worship on Sunday. How natural is it to come to the throne of God with no intention of adoring Him! With only our own needs in our hand!

Dear Lord, teach me patience, and grant me humility.

2008-11-09T21:51:00.000-06:00

Quiet, Lord, my froward heart

John Newton

Quiet, Lord, my froward heart,
Make me teachable and mild,
Upright, simple, free from art,
Make me as a weanèd child:
From distrust and envy free,
Pleased with all that pleases Thee.

What Thou shalt today provide,
Let me as a child receive;
What tomorrow may betide,
Calmly to Thy wisdom leave:
’Tis enough that Thou wilt care,
Why should I the burden bear?

As a little child relies
On a care beyond his own;
Knows he’s neither strong nor wise,
Fears to stir a step alone:
Let me thus with Thee abide,
As my Father, Guard, and Guide.

Thus preserved from Satan’s wiles,
Safe from dangers, free from fears;
May I live upon Thy smiles,
Till the promised hour appears;
When the sons of God shall prove
All their Father’s boundless love.

A good man

2008-11-08T21:53:00.003-06:00

How would you like to receive a letter like this from your spouse?

"DEAR WIFE, — I beseech the Lord our good God
to bless thee & thy little babe with all spiritual blessings in
heavenly things, & with a comfortable supply of all things
needful for this present life, with such a portion of the true
wisdom as may cause us always to discern of the worth &
excellence of Christ Jesus, to take Him as our only portion, & to
love Him with all our heart, as our best thank offering for His
unspeakeable love & mercy in redeeming us from our sins by
His own death, & adopting us into the right of the inheritance of His Father's Kingdom. To Him be glory & praise for ever, Amen. "

2008-11-07T14:08:00.001-06:00

Not What My Hands Have Done
By Horatius Bonar

Not what my hands have done can save my guilty soul;
Not what my toiling flesh has borne can make my spirit whole.
Not what I feel or do can give me peace with God;
Not all my prayers and sighs and tears can bear my awful load.

Your voice alone, O Lord, can speak to me of grace;
Your power alone, O Son of God, can all my sin erase.
No other work but Yours, no other blood will do;
No strength but that which is divine can bear me safely through.

Thy work alone, O Christ, can ease this weight of sin;
Thy blood alone, O Lamb of God, can give me peace within.
Thy love to me, O God, not mine, O Lord, to Thee,
Can rid me of this dark unrest, And set my spirit free.

I bless the Christ of God; I rest on love divine;
And with unfaltering lip and heart I call this Savior mine.
His cross dispels each doubt; I bury in His tomb
Each thought of unbelief and fear, each lingering shade of gloom.

I praise the God of grace; I trust His truth and might;
He calls me His, I call Him mine, My God, my joy and light.
’Tis He Who saveth me, and freely pardon gives;
I love because He loveth me, I live because He lives.

2008-11-06T08:44:00.002-06:00

What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth? -- Ecc iii 9

Seeing then all actions and events in the world are out of man's power, and no man can at any time do or enjoy any thing at his pleasure, but only what and when God pleaseth, as hath been now shown in many particulars, and it is as true and certain in all others, hence it follows that all men's labours, of themselves, and without God's help and blessing, are unprofitable, and utterly insufficient to make them happy. - Matthew Poole

Why I'm okay with Obama's win

2008-11-05T16:42:00.002-06:00

Because "Christians" in America have been too long under the impression that they can have their cake and eat it, too. Was it a wake-up call? Yes. Was it a dose of sobriety to the party-hardy "church-goers" who honor God with their lips, having hearts far from Him? I would hope so.

I see a lot of people getting very emotional about the results. And I had to stop and consider how crazy that is. While it is quite understandable to be upset with the laws that we can almost expect to be passed in the next four years, and the people who will be negatively affected by them, I don't see the reason to be overcome with grief and incredulity, as though God has now abandoned us to judgment with the rest of the nation.

The future is nescient. And I see too many possibilities for God to show His glory on this earth with such an election result. Do we forget that so easily?

I, for one, have appreciated the sobriety of the moment. I have appreciated the moment when it became pleasant to think of heaven, and when the curse of the Fall rose like a noxious odor from the American soil.

[From 1 Peter 2]
13Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority,

14or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right.

15For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.

16Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bondslaves of God.

17Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king.

18Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.

19For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly.

20For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God.